To be real: I have a lot of latent anger swimming around. anger at my parents anger at myself anger at god. More than I would like things haven’t seemed to turn out the way I planned or expected- and this has been a disappointing thing. However, I believe that a big part of growing up means learning to live with that disappointment and not letting it spoil the things in life that do provide fulfillment and satisfaction (that sounds like sex, but I’m trying to be serious here guys) but sometimes? Sometimes I am just angry; like today, like now. And even though there are things that are happening at present, or at least very recently and in the near future, that I don’t just feel good about I feel fucking great about- I can’t help but be frustrated because I wish I could be the kind of person that could rage and throw things and just let it loose, you know? Get these festery negative feelings out of me so I can move on to the next thing, like I perceive normal people as doing. Unfortunately the most I could ever muster was punching my ex boyfriend while he was half asleep and to be honest my heart wasn’t that into it, it was really more funny than anything-something I consider to be a failed experiment. I guess what I’m trying to say is that in a perfect world I will express my feelings appropriately and in an adequate time frame, pack my lunch every day to save money, and have the confidence of someone with far larger breasts than god gave me. Dare to fucking dream, right?
Oh and I’m sorry for the call back to live journal circa 2002 (recently perused my old one, I am still cringing) teenage angst. I’ll probably get embarrassed about this later and delete it - but for now I will revel in my immaturity, listen to the Subhumans whilst drinking a few beers, and let this one go. I promise to be funny tomorrow.
(the image above is a John Baldesarri- one of my favorite artists).
